Tips for restarting after a long (Summer) break

Every summer, many people put some of their commitments on hold to free up time. Maybe they are going on vacation, enrolling their kids in day camps, or just feeling like they want to slow down a bit. Overall, the general idea is the same – take a break in the summer to start back up in the fall.

Unfortunately, the reality is getting started again after an extended break is not always that straightforward. Not unless you are aware of, and plan for, the possible barriers that may arise when it’s time to start again.

Below are some tips to help you (or your kids) get restarted and overcome any challenges that may arise during the process.

Expect and plan for resistance

When we take an extended break from anything, there is a high probability that we will encounter resistance to restarting. This is especially true of kids. This is for 3 main reasons:

• We got out of the habit, and maybe even replaced it with more negative ones. A positive habit is always more challenging to start, restart, and/or keep than a negative one.

• Long breaks can make us lose our connection to the positive benefits and feelings we had when we were consistent. This is especially true for kids.

• Sometimes anxiety, stress, nervousness, or even just annoyance that we have lost progress or just won't be able to perform like we did before we took the break will keep us from that step to restart.

Have a firm and committed restart date

In all instances, having that firm and committed start date is crucial. For example – instead of saying you will restart again in the fall, pick an exact calendar day, schedule it, and stick to it no matter what. If you are worried about being rusty, that is normal. Oftentimes you just need to show up and get started to reconnect with your training and regain your momentum.

Take action to help overcome stress and anxiety

Some people (both kids and adults) experience significant stress/anxiety around the prospect of restarting, especially around performance expectations. In these instances, a little student/instructor communication can go a long way. Scheduling a simple chat, or even a short one-on-one coaching session with an instructor, can be what eases the nervousness and even creates excitement. Many times people grossly overestimate how much they lost or how long it will take to get back to where they were. Taking action will always be more positive than ruminating on the “what ifs”

Resistance is not a sign that you should quit

Resistance may be one of the most important reasons to get restarted. It is often a sign that, deep down, it’s something that we want, but we talk ourselves out of. The more experiences we can give ourselves (and our children) on how to overcome resistance, regain positive habits and restart healthy routines, the more we strengthen our self-discipline and the ability to overcome future challenges.

In the words of the author Steven Pressfield: “Resistance is the most toxic force on the planet. To yield to resistance deforms our spirit. It stunts us, and makes us less than we were born to be”

The Value of Martial Arts: A Dose of Daily Discomfort

Whether or not we like to admit it, most of us are a bit spoiled. Lose your power, internet, or even just your phone for a day and it feels like life practically stops. Go to a grocery store or restaurant, find out you can’t get what you really wanted, and feel the frustration set in. That is not a criticism or a judgement, just the result of our circumstances. We get comfortable with what we are accustomed to. None of us, including myself, are immune to feeling that way.

So let's just be real. Many of us live relatively easy lives. We have temperature regulated dwellings with comfortable places to sit or lay down. We barely have to walk anywhere. We have easy access to a wide variety of food that isn’t even in season most of the time, or is cooked for us, and we don’t even have to go out and get it. On top of that, we have a breadth of knowledge and entertainment in our hands at all times and rarely need to wait to access any of it. We have essentially removed the adversity that typically came with providing most of our basic needs.

One of the challenges this can cause is that we become way more susceptible to the ebbs and flows of life. Minor challenges cause a disproportionate level of stress and major ones feel paralyzing. That is, unless we have been regularly exposing ourselves to a healthy dose of discomfort. This is where the value of martial arts training can not be overstated.

Martial arts training, taught well, is (or should be) a bit uncomfortable. Sometimes physical, sometimes mental, but often a combination of the two. Never traumatic or injurious, just enough to ask you to dig in a bit. Enough for you to realize that with a little effort, hard work, and perseverance you are capable of a lot more than may have thought possible.

Obviously this does not mean martial arts suddenly makes life free of challenges. It just reminds you that you can be pushed outside your comfort zone and come out the other side just fine. Life’s minor challenges are then taken with more grace and major ones rarely seem insurmountable. You have developed the ability to breathe, stay calm, dig in, and push forward because you have been doing it every week. Always prepared for when life decides to ask what you are made of.

With 25 years of martial arts training under my belt I have found that regular dose of discomfort to be one of the most valuable aspects to the training. During all of the most challenging times in my life martial arts has been both my anchor and my armor. Even all these years in, I am still grateful for all the opportunities it provides me to push myself outside my comfort zone, tap into my warrior spirit, and show myself how resilient and capable I can be. Just knowing I can call upon that strength whenever I need it most is what gives me the confidence to push towards my goals. Because I know I can handle whatever challenges come my way.

Remember that resilience is not something you just have, it is something you must build and maintain. So even if you feel martial arts training isn’t for you, find something, anything, to challenge you and give you your daily dose of discomfort. It will help you keep your mental sword sharp and your physical armor strong. It will gift you with a healthy dose of humility, and empower you to push forward no matter what. Knowing all along that the randomness of life will never catch you unprepared.

Fitness is a Funny Thing

Hi! I’m Josh and I’ve been moving and coaching people toward positive change for 25+ years in athletics, martial arts, and my own fitness studios before joining the RMF team. I’ve created our new program: Forrest Fitness. Nice to meet you!

“Fitness” is a funny thing. It means something different to everyone, and different things at different stages of life. Fitness has been long tied to so many competing marketing messages--some healthy, some less so--that it’s hard to know what it means to be fit at all.

The many definitions of fitness fall into three buckets: appearance (look), injury abatement or protection (feel), and physical and mental ability (perform). Like any good marketing approach, one element is pulled out and aimed at a targeted audience. A great way to sell things, but doing so ignores the reality that in actual (physical) life--everything is connected. Each of these buckets spills into, and helps fill, the others.

I’ve personally morphed my definition between these fitness buckets a number of times over my decades. As a skinny and bullied kid, fitness meant to change my appearance with more muscle. Later, after I grew into a competitive runner and collegiate rower, fitness meant data-driven performance: how fast I could run or row and how much weight I could lift. By my early twenties, fitness meant escaping intractable back pain.

While three buckets of fitness don’t change, we and everything around us sure does. We face more responsibilities, less time, changing metabolisms, more chair and screen time, and an ever increasing list of stiffness, weakness, pain points, and body mileage. I find myself shifting my own practice to meet all these demands, on a day to day basis. So how do we move forward on any one part of fitness, let alone all three, while facing all of the obstacles of life?

The first step toward healthy fitness is to turn inward: a mindset of exercise as something we do with ourselves, not to ourselves. We have to actually work on positivity within. Consuming endless marketing messages and images extolling it, isn’t the same thing :) Though it’s bad marketing to not call on your feelings of inadequacy and missing out, hold the truth that you are improving on something that is already good. You’ve got you where you are today, and if you are like anyone else: that’s included facing some pretty tough stuff. Exercise is a treat, not a punishment.

Recognize too that you’ve been bombarded with language of violent transformation through decades of fitness culture. It has hurt us greatly. How can we expect to build anything of value through punishing ourselves with ripping, shredding, toning, blasting, melting, smashing, and grinding? An endless war isn’t a path through the long road of life.

Next, move in ways that align with the functional design of the body. Because human nature includes being readily adaptable to nearly anything--for better or worse--every form of exercise does something. As long as we’re sore and sweaty, right?! Well, sure but...you can overdose on anything. Kale is my go to metaphor here: even though it’s a mighty powerful food, you wouldn’t fill your entire shopping cart with it.

What’s more, not every form of exercise contortion provides equal value. We’ve invented a million different workouts for one body. Here’s a secret: not all of it aligns with the physical design of the body or is equally useful in moving your fitness needles forward!

An easy way to look at what goes into a healthy and integrated fitness path is to look at what I call Modern Body Syndrome. MBS means:

1. We get weaker with age (clinical term is “sarcopenia”). Most of what people complain about when they talk about getting older is a symptom that they are getting weaker in some aspect of strength.
2. Our bodymind ossifies with age. Without active work to broaden our horizons, we get stiffer, less flexible, less adventurous: both physically and mentally.
3. We spend most of our lifetime hunching over a screen. We have breakfast with a tiny screen, we drive or commute with a screen, then we work in front of a screen, we relax in front of a big screen. Increasingly, we exercise while sitting down--spinning our wheels--in front of a screen!

And that’s just the physical side. While staring at screens, our minds consume endless streams of content of images and videos and words, both positive and negative, but all exhausting and programming our mind. We’ve completely internalized constant stimulation and the stress that flows from it. Even the word for all the shareable media produced --“content”-- is an on-the-nose nod to how vacuous and empty much of it is.

Bah! How do we escape this modern fate! A complete movement diet is a most powerful antidote and addresses all of it, in one pill?

To reverse weakness and sarcopenia, build all the 5 Strengths

• Stability
• Strength
• Power
• Stamina
• Range of Strength (functional flexibility)

To keep your bodymind’s horizon open, broad and receptive:

• Keep your body primed with short daily practices, not just big workouts. I call these Daily Doses.
• Include movement attributes like fluidity, balance, control and reaction with skills like locomotion, throwing & catching, kicking, crawling, climbing and rolling. Include not just rigid exercises, but variation and exploration as well.
• Learn new skills: take up a new sport, dance, or martial arts!

To combat the bodymind baggage of hunched screen time

• Make a time and place for you. A 5:00 Daily Dose is my perfect space.
• Get outside and maybe even skip the nature selfie from time to time. My girls remind me “no pictures, papa” all the time!
• Recharge away from the screen. Screens are important tools as we communicate, learn and collaborate-- all critical things for us social creatures. But if the on-screen world becomes more important and inescapable, then we are being wielded by our tools rather than vice versa.

Finally, complete fitness also needs a balanced mix of intensities, what I call the “Walk, Run & Sprint” principle. These pertain to all exercises (not just the versions on your feet):

• “Walk (or jog)”. When you are injured or moving through some mileage, keep it slow and gentle. Even if you are feeling great, start gentle and ramp up, or mix gentle between intensity.
• “Run”. Your practice should be challenging. It should bring heat and sweat. You should be able to see the edges of your ability horizon.
• “Sprint” Bring your Strength Face out to play. Not every rep of every workout, and don’t try to shove yourself until you fall off the ledge! But knowing how to access all that you can do is critical for ability at every age and stage of life.

Fitness may be funny, but it’s not a mystery. There are many ways forward. If you feel like Modern Body Syndrome is getting the best of you and are looking for a path that helps you Look, Feel and Perform better --I’d love to coach you. All of these principles are baked right into RevFit. Come see for yourself.

With Strength & Smiles,

Josh

The Activity Misconception

Nowadays, there seems to be a common misconception that many parents have in regards to the activities their kids do. This misconception contributes to less resilience in kids, more struggles at home, and more “quits” than anything else . On top of that, in my 20+ years of working with thousands of kids, it seems to have gotten worse.

The misconception is that kids should enjoy all their activities all the time, that they should always find it fun, or that they should always be motivated to go and/or try their best. Parents tend to think that if any of those things are not happening, that that is the indicator that they should stop. These parents tend to be the same ones who wonder why their child never sticks with anything.

The reality is that no matter how much you enjoy something, or how good it is for you, you are not going to be motivated to do it all the time. You may even go through long stretches of time feeling unmotivated. Like each day feels like a grind. Like you just want to throw your hands up in the air and give up. Well, your child is no different. So it is an understatement to say that the expectation that they should always enjoy everything they do is only going to hurt them in the long run.

It blows my mind how much freedom some parents give to kids to make their own choices about things that are really important. As if their child has the maturity and forethought to make an educated decision that is good for their overall development as a human. When you ask your child if they want to do, or continue, a specific activity; what do you think they are actually basing their answer on? Do you think they are considering all the pros and cons? Do you think they have reflected on all the experiences they have had up until that point? Or considered the fact that it's going to be challenging? Do you actually think they are going to choose short term discomfort for long term gain? Of course not! Heck, we aren’t even that great at it as adults. So what makes you think your eight year old actually knows what's best for them?

That is not to say that I think children should never have a choice. I just believe it should be choices within reason. Generally between two things you feel are acceptable. For example: asking “do you want to go to martial arts today?” is not the same as asking “do you want to go to martial arts on Monday or Tuesday?”

By the way - when was the last time you wanted to do the things that you know you should do, the things that you know are good for you, all the time? Exactly…never. Talk to anyone who has reached the pinnacle of success in their given field, or achieved a huge life goal, and I guarantee you will hear about all the times they wanted to quit before getting there. The road to success is not straight and paved with endless enjoyment. It's labyrinth is full of dead ends, personal demons, and self doubt. But that is what makes that success worth it -Right?

So if those kinds of challenges affect even the most accomplished; what makes you think that your child is exempt from any of it? Your child may not have the emotional intelligence and self-awareness to understand and communicate why they don’t want to do something, but that doesn’t keep them from experiencing all the same challenges on the road to accomplishment.

Look, I get it. Pushing your child to do things can be exhausting. You want your child to want to do it, or make that choice, because it makes your life a heck of a lot easier. But you have to remember that if you let your child make the choice, even if it is the choice you want them to make, it only saves you a struggle in the moment. It does not guarantee a struggle free journey.

While letting them quit martial arts or soccer doesn’t seem like a big deal either way. It's more about the lesson they are learning by quitting something as soon as it gets hard, or isn’t as fun. All they learn is that those are acceptable reasons to stop. The more you allow that to happen, the more it starts to become a habit. I am pretty sure that no parent wants their child to be in the habit of quitting.

Remember, it is not your child’s responsibility to determine what is good for them. It is your responsibility to teach them what is good for them. Even if they don’t see the benefit of it. Especially if they don’t see the benefit. Only then can we be confident they will develop the tools necessary to make it through the other “labyrinths of life” so that they may achieve all the goals they aspire to.

How to help your child succeed in martial arts (or any activity)

I have been working with kids for over half my life. What makes my experience unique is that I have the opportunity to work with the same families for many years. When kids train in the martial arts they don’t move on to a new martial arts teacher every year or season. We literally get to see them grow up in our program.

Over these many years I have been on a mission to figure out the “secret sauce” when it comes to developing successful kids. Ultimately we know it is a team effort between the us and the parents. This is why we take a "part of the village" approach with our students and remain on tap for the families in any way we can assist them. We also know our program must be one that is mindful in its approach and intentional with its path. It is a responsibility that we take very seriously and are constantly tweaking the process to set all our students up for success.

With that said, how a parent approaches their child's training has a massive impact on their success in our program. While every child is different, there are some key observations I have made about the most successful kids I have ever taught and the relationship with their parents.

The definition of "success"

Before I share my observations, I think it’s important to define what I mean by “success”. Success, to me, means that the people we teach find positive personal growth within our program. Should they leave at any point, they do so feeling good about their experience, that their time here was of value, and that they have a positive view of the martial arts in general. They may not stay long enough to attain a black belt, but the training still held value regardless of the color around their waist.

Be invested in their training

When I see that a parent is wholeheartedly invested in their child’s training their chances of success go up dramatically. This means that they do their part in developing and maintaining momentum. They make sure their child is attending class regularly, arriving on time (early), and are excited to bring them - especially in the beginning stages. On the flip side, kids who are often late with sporadic attendance, and with parents who begrudgingly drive them to class, tend to fade out quite early in their martial arts journey.

Take an active interest

Kids whose parents take an active interest in their training will almost always get the most value out of their time at the dojo. The way I see it manifest itself the most is when parents are actively watching their child in a positive way. You can even take it a step further by helping them practice, allowing them to teach you what they learned in class, or even stepping on the mats to train yourself.

The state of your presence at the dojo also very important. If you are there but not present (i.e staring at your phone) then it may give the impression that you don’t really care. If you are watching with a critical eye and constantly criticizing their performance, then it can cause lack of focus and anxiety because they are always concerned on whether or not you approve of what they are doing. Just watch knowing that progress comes over time with consistent support. Simply saying “I love watching you train” can be extremely powerful for kids to hear.

I understand that we live increasingly busy lives. Sometimes taking the time to sit and watch your child between crazy work schedules, activities for your other children, or the time needed to run some errands may seem like a luxury you can’t afford. As kids get older they may even seek (and you may even want to give them) more autonomy. However, taking the time to be in tune with their experience at the school, even occasionally, will have a huge impact on their success.

Hold them accountable

Let’s be honest here — no matter how much your child loves something there are going to be times when they are not feeling motivated. Regardless, successful kids have parents that hold them accountable for their commitments.

The key to getting over the “bumps” is to understand that they are temporary with the right support. Just as your child may have challenging days, they will also have great days. When they have those great days you have to help them anchor in that feeling. This will make the challenging days fewer and far between, as well as lower in intensity. Also, they can only have those great days if they keep showing up.

On top of that - supporting them in their training so that they feel good about their performance when they are there goes a long way in ensure more of these great days. This ultimately goes back to being invested, which helps to pinpoint where they may need a little extra support.

Allow them to fail and help them learn from it

If there is one thing that every child needs to succeed in their martial arts training (and life in general), it’s perseverance and grit. Successful kids have parents that understand that grit is not something you just have, it’s something you develop.

I think most of us, deep down, know this to be true. It’s amazing, however, how quickly we can lose sight of this when we perceive our child to be struggling. That protective parental instinct kicks in and all we want to do is save them. However, if we can step back and allow ourselves to be objective, many times we are presented with an opportunity to help our child learn something extremely valuable.

An important observation I have made is that the experience of failure has to have a support network to give it value and teach a child how to bounce back. Successful kids have parents that help them learn from those failures, and then formulate a plan on how to eventually find success. This strengthens that grit “muscle” and gives them the tools to take on future challenges and bounce back quicker and higher in the face of adversity.

Help them take responsibility

Parents of successful kids understand that being successful is not a one way street. It takes investment from all involved to see results. Despite how cool it would be, I cannot just sprinkle magical Sensei dust on every student who comes in and turn them into an amazing black belt.

If I give a student 100% of my effort, it will only be 50% of what they need to be successful. This holds true for all relationships they will have in their life. Parents of successful kids help them take responsibility for that other 50%. This means that they are consistently encouraging their kids to be honest with themselves about the role they play in their martial arts journey. They help them take ownership for their successes and failures, as well as encourage them to take action in getting the results they want.

This is an extremely empowering lesson to teach any child. When they know deep down that they have the ability to affect their outcome, you will see their confidence and ability to persevere grow exponentially

Help them understand they are running their own race

Parents of successful kids do their best to make sure their child understands that their journey is unique to them. They don’t compare their child to anyone else in class, positively (“you’re the best in the class”) or negatively (“why aren’t you as focused as the other students”). While there is some value to friendly competition, make sure the main focus is on how they can try to be a little better than they were the day before.

This is important regardless of where a child may be in regards to their overall skill. If a child is fairly talented or more experienced than most of their classmates, they won’t become complacent. If a child finds the training to be especially challenging, they will be less likely to become discouraged. In both cases, the child is more likely to seek constant self improvement and develop a growth mindset.

Understand that it’s a “long play”

We have all heard the saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. Well, successful kids aren’t created overnight.

All kids will have challenges that manifest themselves in different ways. It may be lack of focus, effort, or maybe it just seems like they don’t pick up techniques the same way as the other kids. Regardless, you have to know that making improvement in any of those areas takes time. You can’t force it. Instead, gently and consistently encourage them without expecting that it is going to happen right away. This is especially true in the beginning, when the main focus should be getting in a routine and finding a connection to the martial arts. After that, you can push a little more, but you can quickly demoralize a child by pushing too hard right out the gate.

Along the same lines, applying all of this advice does not guarantee a smooth, challenge free, journey. The path to success is a winding and rocky road. But it’s those challenges that make success feel so good and develops resilience.

I can tell you that I have seen amazing transformation in students over time. The key words there being “over time”. If you can commit to being consistent in your approach, I am confident you will see your child find all of the success I know you want them to have in anything they pursue.

See you on the mats!

Sensei Paul Castagno